October 27, 2008
October 6, 2008
big thinking
I'm having gender issues. Not sex issues, I am a biological female. But I don't -act- like a girl or woman in the way this society dictates. I don't identify with gender, I just am me. I wear "guy" clothes but that's because I like that style more. Well actually what I wear are pants and t-shirts. t-shirts all the time (and some sweaters in winter). But my pants are pants. I wear tighter t-shirts than I used to because they give me more support for my breasts (I don't wear a bra), not because I want people to take notice to them. I have a short hairstyle but that is purely for function, I was sick of the excess heat and sweat created by long hair. The mohawk, however, IS for style ha.
It wouldn't matter. I can be fine being just me and not even have to worry about masculine/feminine gender identity. But psycho-socially it's a problem. Because society needs you to have a sense of identification and a label. Even to be labeless is a label! So, what then. I don't really have a gender but I'm not androgenous really either. I just am. There are so many dimensions to this, it's so complicated. WHY does it have to be complicated? It's like an hierarchy of labels, people need 5 different terms to describe their exact sex/gender/orientation. I'm just a person with DNA that gives me breasts and a vagina, and presumably the capability to bear children. That doesn't give me the want or need to have any association with pointless societal standards. I have to deal with what's in my brain and what's in everyone else's brain which is heavily influenced by societal norms and standards. Now I don't really care about what others think of me, but I do feel still the societal pressure to have a label and "fit" somewhere, even if it's not fitting in. I ultimately don't want to care, I don't want to society to make me feel like I need to have a label. I suppose that is what I really need to work on, breaking my mind not against society and gender, but breaking the thought of the societal need to "be" something.
Another problem is that many people don't know/recognize the difference between sex and gender. Like in the profile here, I have to pick my gender. Well then I have to chose "not specified" since I don't associate with male/female gender roles however I am sexually female. This is the type of situation I have issues with.
I suppose if the question ever comes up, I will just say I have no gender. And not simply androgenous since that seems to be the lack of gender. I'm just me, however I want to look and dress and act. It doesn't...I don't...have to conform to any label. I suppose many people won't understand that but I really don't think it will come up. It's just something I needed to sort out in my head.
It wouldn't matter. I can be fine being just me and not even have to worry about masculine/feminine gender identity. But psycho-socially it's a problem. Because society needs you to have a sense of identification and a label. Even to be labeless is a label! So, what then. I don't really have a gender but I'm not androgenous really either. I just am. There are so many dimensions to this, it's so complicated. WHY does it have to be complicated? It's like an hierarchy of labels, people need 5 different terms to describe their exact sex/gender/orientation. I'm just a person with DNA that gives me breasts and a vagina, and presumably the capability to bear children. That doesn't give me the want or need to have any association with pointless societal standards. I have to deal with what's in my brain and what's in everyone else's brain which is heavily influenced by societal norms and standards. Now I don't really care about what others think of me, but I do feel still the societal pressure to have a label and "fit" somewhere, even if it's not fitting in. I ultimately don't want to care, I don't want to society to make me feel like I need to have a label. I suppose that is what I really need to work on, breaking my mind not against society and gender, but breaking the thought of the societal need to "be" something.
Another problem is that many people don't know/recognize the difference between sex and gender. Like in the profile here, I have to pick my gender. Well then I have to chose "not specified" since I don't associate with male/female gender roles however I am sexually female. This is the type of situation I have issues with.
I suppose if the question ever comes up, I will just say I have no gender. And not simply androgenous since that seems to be the lack of gender. I'm just me, however I want to look and dress and act. It doesn't...I don't...have to conform to any label. I suppose many people won't understand that but I really don't think it will come up. It's just something I needed to sort out in my head.
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