No more rectal bleeding, that I am aware of at least. I am almost to normal but I still can't eat something like a meal without getting stomach pain. Also I had a good amount of gas in my gut last night and it seemed to get to my colon and then stop, I couldn't pass it (but I could burp, and I woke up several hours later and it finally was all let go).
Day one of classes. Soc and early childhood. I am really not sure about early childhood since I have to do some projects where I have to observe kids, and I may not be able to do one since I don't know any kids around here. The workload the prof has for us seems unreasonable especially since it is a community college and most people also have jobs. I became dizzy and out of it in that class, I think it's the flourescent lighting. I can't focus on things for too long. Plus I didn't have much to eat beforehand.
Well the last two semesters I got to 3-4 weeks and then the panic attack happened. I am optimistic now, but I won't call it a success until I complete the classes.
August 27, 2008
August 25, 2008
Somewhere in my colon there is a spot that is bleeding. Every hour or so I go to the bathroom and that blood comes out.
It is disturbing when mucous and blood comes out of your rectum. Apparently I have to wait a week before the doctor I saw today recommends me going to a colon specialist.
I can't sit up for long, the pressure on my lower abdomen becomes too much and I get pain. Classes start Wednesday, oh joy.
It is disturbing when mucous and blood comes out of your rectum. Apparently I have to wait a week before the doctor I saw today recommends me going to a colon specialist.
I can't sit up for long, the pressure on my lower abdomen becomes too much and I get pain. Classes start Wednesday, oh joy.
August 21, 2008
LTE printed
I just found out a little bit ago that the LTE about my "communist bastard" experience was printed. One of the teachers my mom works for heard about it from her mother who read the LTE, and that is how I found out about it. I assumed I would have been notified if it went to press, but oh well. So I missed seeing it in print but at least I know it was printed! I am not sure which paper it was in, I sent it to the county paper and the more local paper. I am curious to know how edited it was as well. I hope it got the point across.
Overall I am happy it got printed. My hope of hopes is that the jerk read it, and might feel a sense of shame.
Overall I am happy it got printed. My hope of hopes is that the jerk read it, and might feel a sense of shame.
August 20, 2008
BFC report 1
I promised a con report for BFC but I only got to Friday night. The B F stands for "bare fur"...nudist furries!
********************
I arrived on Thursday in the early evening, being the first. After going to the wrong door, I met Jeff and Renee. It was a little awkward with them being naked, but it was also awkward because I didn't have much of an idea of what they looked like before actually meeting them. I went in to use the bathroom and took most of my clothes off then, I wanted to take a shower first before I was completely naked. I did that a little after I arrived and we chatted until Odie arrived. Renee and Jeff began to make dinner, the awesome manicotti, while Odie and I watched. Dinner was really nice, we all sat at the table to eat and chat some more. Afterwards we just hung out, waiting for the arrival of Kenari and Tyke. Bijou, Jerrell and Renee's cat, made a rare appearance and I tried to play with her some, she mostly feigned interest. Kenari and Tyke finally arrived late in the evening and they spent times getting settled in and we all got caught up on their adventure getting up there.
Friday morning started off with buckwheat pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs prepared by the tigress and racooon. Once again we ate together at the dining room table and had nice conversation, getting to know each other and whatnot. Avalon Fest did not start until 2:30 or so that afternoon, so we had time to first go down there and reserve our spaces with setting up our chairs and also do some meet activities. Back at homebase, we had fun with bubbles on the "balcony" (:P). We had a large wand and a few smaller wands and had a good time making, watching, and of course popping the bubbles. Next we went out to the front of the house to do chalk drawings with those huge "sidewalk" chalk sticks on the porch. Jerrell did a nice mountain scene, Tyke did a self portrait, I did an abstract type piece, and Renee drew a cute tiger. By this point I was getting warm, and bad me I hadn't put on any sunscreen yet. I went inside to block up and by the time I was done doing that, everyone else had come in. We hung around and prepared for AF, getting food and towels and things together. We went down to Avalon a littler early and got situated. This was the only part of the weekend where it rained. It wasn't much, just a sprinkle, and it didn't last long either. If anything struck me as odd during AF it was this: just about everyone headed for shelter when it began to rain. I thought it was kind of funny, since there were no clothes to get wet...there was a bit of a chilly breeze and true towels could get wet, but I still thoguht it to be funny. I was glad it rained and was hoping that at some point there would be a little downpour so I could run around in it. Well, I stayed out and Tyke stayed with me nd I think just about everyone else went under the food tent to stay dry. But that was all for the rain, which was very fortunate for the festival since they had to cover up the sound equipment, and that would have put a "damper" on the performances. (Okay, I got my pun out of the way...). I beleive it became sunny and warm again fairly quickly.
I watched a couple of the bands and also watched the audience, just getting a sense of the other type of people who were attending and getting used to the surroundings. As well as my first nudist event, this was my first music fest. Jack Williams was first and he was great. I especially liked the story and song about his mother. Next was Stephanie Corby and she definately saved the best for last, really belting it out on the last song. The AF songwriters' contest was next. I was getting warm though and used this time to go for a swim in the indoor pool. It was very nice to cool off and splash around a little. There were ample fun noodles to use as well. Eventually everyone else joined me, some going into the hot tub for a soak. After a time in the pool, I went into the hot tub as well. There was a guy in there asking everyone's story and telling us about his...when he asked me why I hot into nudism or some thing similar, I was saved by the person in charge of videotaping AF asking if we were okay with being filmed in the tub. So we were being filmed for about 5 minutes or so, it was difficult to not look at the camera since it was right there. When he was done with that, I went back into the pool to cool down from the hot tub (I like the tubs since they are soothing, but do get me overheated a little) and swam/noodled with Tyke for a little bit. When I was done swimming I went out in time to catch about half of Ricochet's set, a 4 piece "redneck" a cappella group who sang some funny songs. By the end of their set it was dinner time, and we went to the Avalon fieldhouse to eat their catered buffet. It was not spectacular. Apparently in years past with Avalon's own cook it was a quality biffet, but this year was disappointing. It was -okay-, but I expected more. We all sat at a table towards the back and were fortunate to get some entertainment as we were letting our food settle from the members of Ricochet who happened to sit at the table next to us. Back at our seats we got ready for the evening, which included applying bug spray. There weren't too many other people back from dinner yet but there was one woman who felt the need to tell us that bug spray was nothing but poison and to not spray it by her or anyone else. She gave us her life story about how she's allergic to all these chemicals and how the world is being poisoned...yet apparently second hand cigarette smoke isn't poison because she was sitting with a person who must've smoked 5 cigarettes in the following 2 hours. Just another interesting character (like the ones with the ears :P.). Friday night at the fest might be my favorite time. The band that was scheduled to play could not make it, so Tempest filled in. The lead singer looked like he came from the heavy metal textbook yet they also had a member in a utilikilt playing an electric violin. They were on the more heavy electric side, but they played an ecclectic mix of songs, some with a more traditional European folk tune (oh yeah, and what was that instrument the lead played...a double neck electric mandolin?). The energy was awesome, from the band and from the audience. Everyone was getting into it, clapping and some eventually getting up and dancing with the band. When they were initially done with their set the audience called for an encore, and Tempest obliged. It was a whole lot of fun listening to them and it seems like they had a lot of fun playing for us. Back at homebase, Jarrell set up his mega-scope (I don't know the name of the model, but it was a rather large telescope) for a bit of stargazing. He set the scope on Jupiter and we could actually see 4 of the moons and one of the planet's stripes. It was nice being able to see a clear sky, especially since all the rest of us live in more urban areas with bad light pollution. Friday night was when I made my "specialty", puppy chow. With some help from the skunk, I made two batches and it was immediately a hit. Since it was also the night of the Olympics opening ceremony, we settled onto our towels and enjoyed the ceremony. Then it was off to bed.
********************
I arrived on Thursday in the early evening, being the first. After going to the wrong door, I met Jeff and Renee. It was a little awkward with them being naked, but it was also awkward because I didn't have much of an idea of what they looked like before actually meeting them. I went in to use the bathroom and took most of my clothes off then, I wanted to take a shower first before I was completely naked. I did that a little after I arrived and we chatted until Odie arrived. Renee and Jeff began to make dinner, the awesome manicotti, while Odie and I watched. Dinner was really nice, we all sat at the table to eat and chat some more. Afterwards we just hung out, waiting for the arrival of Kenari and Tyke. Bijou, Jerrell and Renee's cat, made a rare appearance and I tried to play with her some, she mostly feigned interest. Kenari and Tyke finally arrived late in the evening and they spent times getting settled in and we all got caught up on their adventure getting up there.
Friday morning started off with buckwheat pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs prepared by the tigress and racooon. Once again we ate together at the dining room table and had nice conversation, getting to know each other and whatnot. Avalon Fest did not start until 2:30 or so that afternoon, so we had time to first go down there and reserve our spaces with setting up our chairs and also do some meet activities. Back at homebase, we had fun with bubbles on the "balcony" (:P). We had a large wand and a few smaller wands and had a good time making, watching, and of course popping the bubbles. Next we went out to the front of the house to do chalk drawings with those huge "sidewalk" chalk sticks on the porch. Jerrell did a nice mountain scene, Tyke did a self portrait, I did an abstract type piece, and Renee drew a cute tiger. By this point I was getting warm, and bad me I hadn't put on any sunscreen yet. I went inside to block up and by the time I was done doing that, everyone else had come in. We hung around and prepared for AF, getting food and towels and things together. We went down to Avalon a littler early and got situated. This was the only part of the weekend where it rained. It wasn't much, just a sprinkle, and it didn't last long either. If anything struck me as odd during AF it was this: just about everyone headed for shelter when it began to rain. I thought it was kind of funny, since there were no clothes to get wet...there was a bit of a chilly breeze and true towels could get wet, but I still thoguht it to be funny. I was glad it rained and was hoping that at some point there would be a little downpour so I could run around in it. Well, I stayed out and Tyke stayed with me nd I think just about everyone else went under the food tent to stay dry. But that was all for the rain, which was very fortunate for the festival since they had to cover up the sound equipment, and that would have put a "damper" on the performances. (Okay, I got my pun out of the way...). I beleive it became sunny and warm again fairly quickly.
I watched a couple of the bands and also watched the audience, just getting a sense of the other type of people who were attending and getting used to the surroundings. As well as my first nudist event, this was my first music fest. Jack Williams was first and he was great. I especially liked the story and song about his mother. Next was Stephanie Corby and she definately saved the best for last, really belting it out on the last song. The AF songwriters' contest was next. I was getting warm though and used this time to go for a swim in the indoor pool. It was very nice to cool off and splash around a little. There were ample fun noodles to use as well. Eventually everyone else joined me, some going into the hot tub for a soak. After a time in the pool, I went into the hot tub as well. There was a guy in there asking everyone's story and telling us about his...when he asked me why I hot into nudism or some thing similar, I was saved by the person in charge of videotaping AF asking if we were okay with being filmed in the tub. So we were being filmed for about 5 minutes or so, it was difficult to not look at the camera since it was right there. When he was done with that, I went back into the pool to cool down from the hot tub (I like the tubs since they are soothing, but do get me overheated a little) and swam/noodled with Tyke for a little bit. When I was done swimming I went out in time to catch about half of Ricochet's set, a 4 piece "redneck" a cappella group who sang some funny songs. By the end of their set it was dinner time, and we went to the Avalon fieldhouse to eat their catered buffet. It was not spectacular. Apparently in years past with Avalon's own cook it was a quality biffet, but this year was disappointing. It was -okay-, but I expected more. We all sat at a table towards the back and were fortunate to get some entertainment as we were letting our food settle from the members of Ricochet who happened to sit at the table next to us. Back at our seats we got ready for the evening, which included applying bug spray. There weren't too many other people back from dinner yet but there was one woman who felt the need to tell us that bug spray was nothing but poison and to not spray it by her or anyone else. She gave us her life story about how she's allergic to all these chemicals and how the world is being poisoned...yet apparently second hand cigarette smoke isn't poison because she was sitting with a person who must've smoked 5 cigarettes in the following 2 hours. Just another interesting character (like the ones with the ears :P.). Friday night at the fest might be my favorite time. The band that was scheduled to play could not make it, so Tempest filled in. The lead singer looked like he came from the heavy metal textbook yet they also had a member in a utilikilt playing an electric violin. They were on the more heavy electric side, but they played an ecclectic mix of songs, some with a more traditional European folk tune (oh yeah, and what was that instrument the lead played...a double neck electric mandolin?). The energy was awesome, from the band and from the audience. Everyone was getting into it, clapping and some eventually getting up and dancing with the band. When they were initially done with their set the audience called for an encore, and Tempest obliged. It was a whole lot of fun listening to them and it seems like they had a lot of fun playing for us. Back at homebase, Jarrell set up his mega-scope (I don't know the name of the model, but it was a rather large telescope) for a bit of stargazing. He set the scope on Jupiter and we could actually see 4 of the moons and one of the planet's stripes. It was nice being able to see a clear sky, especially since all the rest of us live in more urban areas with bad light pollution. Friday night was when I made my "specialty", puppy chow. With some help from the skunk, I made two batches and it was immediately a hit. Since it was also the night of the Olympics opening ceremony, we settled onto our towels and enjoyed the ceremony. Then it was off to bed.
Depression. It's dread in my chest. I'm not interested in eating much, I don't want to see anyone and I don't want anyone to see me. Being outside is uncomfortable. I'm fatigued as well. I think I've given up on hope for the moment. A week until my first class, not sure about that anymore. Usually when depression is up, anxiety is down. Not really in this instance. That dread in my chest is a physical manifestation of my anxiety. So I have both quite strongly. I feel out of it with a faint headache behind my right eye.
This is the first time with bad depression that I didn't have the want to die. After my attempt in December it's not something I desire anymore. So I guess I am in a state of apathy. Sometimes desperation. I may be making my own world.
I started a painting last night that I am proud of based on The Bear That Wasn't. I drew him out decently, painted him mostly, and that's where I got.
This is the first time with bad depression that I didn't have the want to die. After my attempt in December it's not something I desire anymore. So I guess I am in a state of apathy. Sometimes desperation. I may be making my own world.
I started a painting last night that I am proud of based on The Bear That Wasn't. I drew him out decently, painted him mostly, and that's where I got.
August 19, 2008
August 17, 2008
I am high on Ambien right now. Bascially.
I've had that pain behind/in my left eye for a few hours. It's migraine strength so after I tried sleeping for a while, I took an AMbien. But it isn't strong enough to make me sleep. So I'm in this mid zone. If someone could extract the feel good almost trippy aspect of Ambien from the makes you sleep part, that would be a nice drug. Ir find a way to counter the sleep effect with something else, a stimulant? but not affect the other effects.
I might need to take 2 though. If I don't fall asleep soon, that is.
I think this would be the closest to "drunk blogging" I'd ever get. I'm blournaling while somewhat under the effects of Ambien WOOOOOOHOOOOOO
1111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Craaaaaaaaaazy!!!!! Let me do dumb things so you know it's for real!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This chick's current Facebook Status reads somnething like "Annie Bla Bla is DRUNK!!!!"
She is all caps and four exclamation points drunk. That's about as drunk as I get.
I'm not gonna lie, this feels good at 3 AM. Being on a pill that makes you fall asleep is worth staying up for.
I smell bacon.
I've had that pain behind/in my left eye for a few hours. It's migraine strength so after I tried sleeping for a while, I took an AMbien. But it isn't strong enough to make me sleep. So I'm in this mid zone. If someone could extract the feel good almost trippy aspect of Ambien from the makes you sleep part, that would be a nice drug. Ir find a way to counter the sleep effect with something else, a stimulant? but not affect the other effects.
I might need to take 2 though. If I don't fall asleep soon, that is.
I think this would be the closest to "drunk blogging" I'd ever get. I'm blournaling while somewhat under the effects of Ambien WOOOOOOHOOOOOO
1111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Craaaaaaaaaazy!!!!! Let me do dumb things so you know it's for real!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This chick's current Facebook Status reads somnething like "Annie Bla Bla is DRUNK!!!!"
She is all caps and four exclamation points drunk. That's about as drunk as I get.
I'm not gonna lie, this feels good at 3 AM. Being on a pill that makes you fall asleep is worth staying up for.
I smell bacon.
August 16, 2008
"just imagine them in your underwear"
For some reason when I was typing out the title, I wrote "your" instead of "their". I thought that was funny, so I kept it as is.
I was just thinking of one performer at AF who mentioned the old saying about public speaking...just imagine everyone in their underware...and how his audience was naked. I don't think it made it that much easier. (But hopefully a little more fun.)
I've been a little depressed this past week. Made a dental appointment for The cat. Need to make an appointment for myself, but I'm not exactly sure how to go about making an appointment for one of 10 possible people at a therapist practice that I found online.
School starts in 11 days. Crap. I am going to drop a class, and I think it will be sociology. The possibility of interactive/group work is higher in a class like that. I signed up for it mainly because I already had the book. I do have people to sign up for classes with though, so I'll have to keep that in mind for next semester.
I do have a sense of failure though. Like, I'm setting myself up for it. That is bad thinking, I can't be negative about this because that increases my chance of failing.
I'm opening up an art site to sell paintings through. I don't know how successful it will be, but I need to make some extra cash to pay for the BFC debt. I did 1+.85+.20 paintings last night. One that is most likely completed, one that was almost completed, and one that I got a lot done but still have a ways to go. I also sketched a bit last night. I was at it for a couple hours and wanted to do one of me from a picture, but it got to a point rather abruptly where I was sick of it. Drawing seems too much of a process for me.
I visited an old friend today. I haven't seen him in...almost 2 years? But we've still talked. I just had an anxiety about visiting him for some reason. I thought that we did not have enough in common anymore. Well it went fine today, but I got dizzy about in the middle of my visit. I sat in close range to him and looked at him talk the whole time, and it felt like it did when I was in class. I think focusing on something that may be visual/verbal like that for extended periods of time might be the trigger. I also developed a headache soon afterwards (my visit was about 2 hours), and it is located behind/in my lifet eye. Yeah, I still have it. Eating helped a little but it came back. This is not good, especially if this happens in class.
I was just thinking of one performer at AF who mentioned the old saying about public speaking...just imagine everyone in their underware...and how his audience was naked. I don't think it made it that much easier. (But hopefully a little more fun.)
I've been a little depressed this past week. Made a dental appointment for The cat. Need to make an appointment for myself, but I'm not exactly sure how to go about making an appointment for one of 10 possible people at a therapist practice that I found online.
School starts in 11 days. Crap. I am going to drop a class, and I think it will be sociology. The possibility of interactive/group work is higher in a class like that. I signed up for it mainly because I already had the book. I do have people to sign up for classes with though, so I'll have to keep that in mind for next semester.
I do have a sense of failure though. Like, I'm setting myself up for it. That is bad thinking, I can't be negative about this because that increases my chance of failing.
I'm opening up an art site to sell paintings through. I don't know how successful it will be, but I need to make some extra cash to pay for the BFC debt. I did 1+.85+.20 paintings last night. One that is most likely completed, one that was almost completed, and one that I got a lot done but still have a ways to go. I also sketched a bit last night. I was at it for a couple hours and wanted to do one of me from a picture, but it got to a point rather abruptly where I was sick of it. Drawing seems too much of a process for me.
I visited an old friend today. I haven't seen him in...almost 2 years? But we've still talked. I just had an anxiety about visiting him for some reason. I thought that we did not have enough in common anymore. Well it went fine today, but I got dizzy about in the middle of my visit. I sat in close range to him and looked at him talk the whole time, and it felt like it did when I was in class. I think focusing on something that may be visual/verbal like that for extended periods of time might be the trigger. I also developed a headache soon afterwards (my visit was about 2 hours), and it is located behind/in my lifet eye. Yeah, I still have it. Eating helped a little but it came back. This is not good, especially if this happens in class.
August 12, 2008
Commie Bastard!
This is the long version of an LTE I wrote about the incident on Monday when almost home from my trip. I sent it to 2 local papers along with an abridged version. I felt I needed to do this to get some closure on the situation. I hope it gets printed but I expect it not to.
********
Hello fellow citizens, my name is Becky and I am 23 years old. I grew up in S.H. and have lived all but 2 years within the city. The following happened on Monday the 11th. This is the first time I have experienced such a confrontation, and I feel I need to share it with my fellow citizens.
I just spent the past week in the Appalachian Mountains for a final summer road trip. It went splendidly until I got an unwanted “welcome back” in my home town. I was in the vicinity of M and * Rd. when a sporty little silver car with a McCain sticker on the bumper passed in front of me. Nothing unusual, until the driver of the car stuck his arm out the window and gave me a big thumbs down sign for about half a minute.
I knew what it was about and it had to do with that McCain sticker. Or, rather, it had to do with a very rude and ignorant person who immaturely felt the need to disagree with my political leaning. See, I have the tailgate of my Ford Ranger covered with stickers. Most are fun things with no meaning really, though if you saw it you would guess I was more of a liberal leaning person (and I am). I only have one sticker that is for any type of politically related cause, otherwise I have one that promotes the “coexist”ence of fellow cultures and my pledge to the planet. I have no stickers for any political candidate or party.
It did not end there, however. Maybe I should have let it be, but emotion got to the best of me and I went up beside this person, who seemed to be around my age, and rolled down my window. I informed him that “This was America, it’s called freedom of speech...” While I do realize and agree that my freedom to have messages of tolerance and the need to “hang up and drive” on my tail gate is the same as his freedom to give me a thumbs down, he took his freedom a little too far. In response to what I told him, he called me a “Communist b--”... well, let’s just say it wasn’t very friendly. And then he zipped off.
Seriously? Did that really happen? I just traveled near 1000 miles round trip and this is what I get when I come back to S. H.? I was in no way personally offended, but rather perplexed and in shock that someone in 2008 would say such a thing and be so outright rude to another person. Politics aside, I thought we as a society were beyond immature name calling and the forgetfulness of the fact that America IS a Democracy on which a basis is the freedom to have opposing views. We have the right to have those views and to share them through various venues (bumper stickers included). Freedom of speech guarantees that, and is one right America prides itself with having. But apparently we all still don’t have the right to be respected by fellow citizens. Intolerance still exists, through acts like the one I encountered and much worse. And I wonder, when will it stop?
********
Hello fellow citizens, my name is Becky and I am 23 years old. I grew up in S.H. and have lived all but 2 years within the city. The following happened on Monday the 11th. This is the first time I have experienced such a confrontation, and I feel I need to share it with my fellow citizens.
I just spent the past week in the Appalachian Mountains for a final summer road trip. It went splendidly until I got an unwanted “welcome back” in my home town. I was in the vicinity of M and * Rd. when a sporty little silver car with a McCain sticker on the bumper passed in front of me. Nothing unusual, until the driver of the car stuck his arm out the window and gave me a big thumbs down sign for about half a minute.
I knew what it was about and it had to do with that McCain sticker. Or, rather, it had to do with a very rude and ignorant person who immaturely felt the need to disagree with my political leaning. See, I have the tailgate of my Ford Ranger covered with stickers. Most are fun things with no meaning really, though if you saw it you would guess I was more of a liberal leaning person (and I am). I only have one sticker that is for any type of politically related cause, otherwise I have one that promotes the “coexist”ence of fellow cultures and my pledge to the planet. I have no stickers for any political candidate or party.
It did not end there, however. Maybe I should have let it be, but emotion got to the best of me and I went up beside this person, who seemed to be around my age, and rolled down my window. I informed him that “This was America, it’s called freedom of speech...” While I do realize and agree that my freedom to have messages of tolerance and the need to “hang up and drive” on my tail gate is the same as his freedom to give me a thumbs down, he took his freedom a little too far. In response to what I told him, he called me a “Communist b--”... well, let’s just say it wasn’t very friendly. And then he zipped off.
Seriously? Did that really happen? I just traveled near 1000 miles round trip and this is what I get when I come back to S. H.? I was in no way personally offended, but rather perplexed and in shock that someone in 2008 would say such a thing and be so outright rude to another person. Politics aside, I thought we as a society were beyond immature name calling and the forgetfulness of the fact that America IS a Democracy on which a basis is the freedom to have opposing views. We have the right to have those views and to share them through various venues (bumper stickers included). Freedom of speech guarantees that, and is one right America prides itself with having. But apparently we all still don’t have the right to be respected by fellow citizens. Intolerance still exists, through acts like the one I encountered and much worse. And I wonder, when will it stop?
I wanted to post this before my trip, but I ran out of time. This is the entry I posted to B_F before leaving about my anxieties of the upcoming new social experiences. A first furry and nudist event all in one....
***********
BFC next weekend will be two firsts for me - it will be my first time attending a furry gathering, and my first time being nude in public/going to a nudist resort.
I have been active to some degree in the fandom for about three years, but I have only hung out with other furries on a one-on-one basis twice. I live in Michigan and there is a decent furry community here with meets every month, but I never attended mainly because I have social anxiety and that prevented me from feeling comfortable in a situation like a furmeet (there can be 30 people at a MI meet). And forget about a hotel convention... I think BFC will be a good first furry event for me, there won't be masses of strangers and a feeling of being socially overwhelmed. There are secondary reasons why I have not attended a local meet, mainly drama related and just stupid things that I want to avoid getting involved with (like a meet being dominated by so-and-so being here when no one "likes" them, or what someone is doing, etc). I don't get that vibe with the furs through this community. This is pretty much the only online furry community/forum I am active in, it seems to be a "drama free zone". So I am looking forward to hanging out with some cool furs on a more intimate level than I would get at a large local meet or hotel convention, and I think that is a good thing.
Now, being nude in public for the first time... I have been clothes free mainly in my own home or with people I had a very close relationship with. I don't have a problem with myself being nude but moreso how I will act around others who are nude, until I get used to it. I am unfamiliar with any etiquette there may be, and maybe there isn't any. But I will be very self conscious with how I act and how others pick up on it. An example is that I may be trying too hard to look at someone's face to avoid looking elsewhere at their body, and it might be obvious that I am trying rather than just being natural. One thing I like about nudism is the chance to see many different body shapes and all the genetic variability I can't see while people are wearing clothes. I find it interesting all the different body types people have, so I might without realizing it look at someone's body and if they notice it (like if I am in a conversation or close proximity to them), I don't want them to think I am looking at their body in a rude way.
I guess since this is a new social situation for me, I will wonder if I am acting in the appropriate way (also coupled with meeting new people). I think I will let go of the social worries after getting to know the fellow attendees. Just know that I might be awkward for a bit, and seem reserved. It takes some time for me to get comfortable when meeting new people.
I am anticipating being around so many natural people will boost my bodily self-acceptance a bit. There is the Hollywood and media-mold body which everyone is exposed to all the time, and it almost seems like that is the norm body type. And of course it is the "ideal" type. But then there is the body everyone else has, with its lumps and irregularities. I think if I see a bunch of people who are as irregular as I am, it would make me feel more normal. The bodily flaws I am most self-conscious about are the scars left on my back from "bacne" outbreaks, and stretch mark scars I have all over from when I was a (very overweight) child. Since I can never see if others have the same or similar flaws, I feel abnormal or ugly because I have those scars. I know though that everyone has some sort of defect and that it's not abnormal...but I never see it so I can't accept my own irregularities. I hope that made sense.
Another concern I have with being outside nude in public for the first time is sunburn. I have been naked in the sun before, once...but I can say that other than that one time there are parts of my body that have never been exposed to the sun. Of course I will be lathered in sunblock but I still have worries. I have this cute dress type thing that is sheer (I think it is a swimsuit cover up) that I will probably put on if I feel a burn in the making. I burn easily in general too...blah. It might be a bit of a bummer if I have to cover up. But I know I have to do what I have to do so I don't get burned.
While I have these concerns, I think they are minimal and will go away soon after I arrive at BFC central. I am most anxious about the drive, mainly getting a flat tire on the interstate and dealing with that. But I am expecting to have a wonderful time with fellow bare furs :D.
***********
BFC next weekend will be two firsts for me - it will be my first time attending a furry gathering, and my first time being nude in public/going to a nudist resort.
I have been active to some degree in the fandom for about three years, but I have only hung out with other furries on a one-on-one basis twice. I live in Michigan and there is a decent furry community here with meets every month, but I never attended mainly because I have social anxiety and that prevented me from feeling comfortable in a situation like a furmeet (there can be 30 people at a MI meet). And forget about a hotel convention... I think BFC will be a good first furry event for me, there won't be masses of strangers and a feeling of being socially overwhelmed. There are secondary reasons why I have not attended a local meet, mainly drama related and just stupid things that I want to avoid getting involved with (like a meet being dominated by so-and-so being here when no one "likes" them, or what someone is doing, etc). I don't get that vibe with the furs through this community. This is pretty much the only online furry community/forum I am active in, it seems to be a "drama free zone". So I am looking forward to hanging out with some cool furs on a more intimate level than I would get at a large local meet or hotel convention, and I think that is a good thing.
Now, being nude in public for the first time... I have been clothes free mainly in my own home or with people I had a very close relationship with. I don't have a problem with myself being nude but moreso how I will act around others who are nude, until I get used to it. I am unfamiliar with any etiquette there may be, and maybe there isn't any. But I will be very self conscious with how I act and how others pick up on it. An example is that I may be trying too hard to look at someone's face to avoid looking elsewhere at their body, and it might be obvious that I am trying rather than just being natural. One thing I like about nudism is the chance to see many different body shapes and all the genetic variability I can't see while people are wearing clothes. I find it interesting all the different body types people have, so I might without realizing it look at someone's body and if they notice it (like if I am in a conversation or close proximity to them), I don't want them to think I am looking at their body in a rude way.
I guess since this is a new social situation for me, I will wonder if I am acting in the appropriate way (also coupled with meeting new people). I think I will let go of the social worries after getting to know the fellow attendees. Just know that I might be awkward for a bit, and seem reserved. It takes some time for me to get comfortable when meeting new people.
I am anticipating being around so many natural people will boost my bodily self-acceptance a bit. There is the Hollywood and media-mold body which everyone is exposed to all the time, and it almost seems like that is the norm body type. And of course it is the "ideal" type. But then there is the body everyone else has, with its lumps and irregularities. I think if I see a bunch of people who are as irregular as I am, it would make me feel more normal. The bodily flaws I am most self-conscious about are the scars left on my back from "bacne" outbreaks, and stretch mark scars I have all over from when I was a (very overweight) child. Since I can never see if others have the same or similar flaws, I feel abnormal or ugly because I have those scars. I know though that everyone has some sort of defect and that it's not abnormal...but I never see it so I can't accept my own irregularities. I hope that made sense.
Another concern I have with being outside nude in public for the first time is sunburn. I have been naked in the sun before, once...but I can say that other than that one time there are parts of my body that have never been exposed to the sun. Of course I will be lathered in sunblock but I still have worries. I have this cute dress type thing that is sheer (I think it is a swimsuit cover up) that I will probably put on if I feel a burn in the making. I burn easily in general too...blah. It might be a bit of a bummer if I have to cover up. But I know I have to do what I have to do so I don't get burned.
While I have these concerns, I think they are minimal and will go away soon after I arrive at BFC central. I am most anxious about the drive, mainly getting a flat tire on the interstate and dealing with that. But I am expecting to have a wonderful time with fellow bare furs :D.
August 11, 2008
Well, it finally happened...I was called a "Communist Bastard" by a random conservative while driving. Yep, even in 2008 one can still be a commie bastard.
So much has happened and I neglected to update, however I was away from the first to this eveing. Away from the internet and suburban hell holes, and even clothing for a portion of it.
More later I suppose.
So much has happened and I neglected to update, however I was away from the first to this eveing. Away from the internet and suburban hell holes, and even clothing for a portion of it.
More later I suppose.
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