Depression. It's dread in my chest. I'm not interested in eating much, I don't want to see anyone and I don't want anyone to see me. Being outside is uncomfortable. I'm fatigued as well. I think I've given up on hope for the moment. A week until my first class, not sure about that anymore. Usually when depression is up, anxiety is down. Not really in this instance. That dread in my chest is a physical manifestation of my anxiety. So I have both quite strongly. I feel out of it with a faint headache behind my right eye.

This is the first time with bad depression that I didn't have the want to die. After my attempt in December it's not something I desire anymore. So I guess I am in a state of apathy. Sometimes desperation. I may be making my own world.

I started a painting last night that I am proud of based on The Bear That Wasn't. I drew him out decently, painted him mostly, and that's where I got.