I have to call Chris tonight (well, not have to but I will) and I am very, very nervous. I hate confrontation. He wants me to call him to discuss things, or rather a response to what I sent him last night. I suppose this is why it is better to say things outright instead of leaving them in my head. But also if I do say things outright, especially if they are negative atributes to someone's personality or behavior, that could lead to a ton of bullshit too. Or I might be considered "bitchy". Maybe this is why I don't get too close with people, I want to be friends and have fun and avoid all the drama and crap. So I hold it in, it's better than any sort of confrontation. Chris is extremely difficult to talk to as well, especially about this type of personal-emotional stuff. I think he will be defensive of himself, he seems to be very arrogant as of late.

I am really very anxious about making this call. My heart is beating harder and faster than normal. I took 2 hits of resin about an hour ago but it's doing nothing for my anxiety. I haven't smoked any actual cannabis since Saturday. I think the lack of green may contribute to this overall higher anxiety.