*scrape scrape scrape*

I never called Chris, I was too anxious. More anxious than I should have been. I sent him a message saying if we could do it on IM and he said that was not satisfactory. He called me last night and we talked for over an hour and got things situated. There were a few moments where I got tense and he did most of the talking of course, but it was alright overall.

Yesterday was the dentist appointment at 2:30, my first in 8 years. I had a panic attack beforehand. I was anxious and really irritated a few hours before, I was trying to put a clip in my bangs and it wasn't working right so I went into an anger fit. I tensed my muscles and punched myself in the hip about a dozen times and stomped my feet which hurt on the tile of the bathroom. The anxiety symptoms were typical. There was a moment or 2 when I didn't want to go because of my anxiety. Eventually I went into numbness, didn't feel anything except light-headedness and was out of it but I wasn't too paralyzed. I didn't think of doing the muscle relaxation technique until after it was mainly over, but I don't think I could have done it anyway since it makes me dizzy with the breathing and my muscles were too weak to be tensed anyway. My mom drove me and when I got to the office I couldn't look at anyone really and I was very soft-spoken. The exam went alright, I had a lot of tartar and I bled when the hygenist was cleaning it off. I got to see my wisdom teeth x-rays and they suggested I see a surgeon to get them out as a precautionary measure. No cavities though I thought I had one. I felt better by the end of it but I was very dizzy, partly from laying in the chair and partly from the panic attack.

I weighed Theo earlier. He's about 17.5 lbs, he's gained 2 in 2 years.

I had a crappy night of sleep. I went to bed at about 1 and I would fall very close to sleep, even have light REM A-wave dreams but then I would come back up. I got up about 2:30, took a hit of resin and watched TV for about half an hour. I put on Matisyahu Youth and fell asleep about halfway through the album. Since my mom actually has the AC off most of the time this summer, I am not as cold in my room/in the basement and so I went through temperature phases. It was hard to find a good medium. I had a dream where I was at my old house and my parents were back together, and if I wasn't avoiding my father I was trying to kill him. The past few nights I have been trying to kill him to get rid of him. A tornado was also in the dream, this time it went through my room after I saw it form through the side window.

I had wanted to go to 7-11 for free Slurpee day, but the free Slurpees are not even 8 ounces so it's not worth it. So dumb.